Remember what your mom told you, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? Well, that is what I’m going to offer as an excuse for not writing more the latter half of this year.
I write this not to garner pity or to complain (as much as it sounds like it), but to just tell you where I’ve been, and it hasn’t been a place where I felt like writing. In July, right before my “dream” running vacation, I broke my foot (stress fracture, right 2nd metatarsal). What the @$%!!! was God thinking?!?!
Just as I was about to come out of the aircast boot and start running again, I broke my back: ruptured and herniated lumbar discs! I was in so much pain I didn’t even THINK about running, let alone get out of bed. When I think about how this happened, I tend to throw myself into a pit where I tear myself to pieces before any lions ever will. Not that anyone really knows what happened, which is part of the problem. Again, the whole questioning God, angry, etc… I’m so glad God can take it! So, I haven’t been able to run since July and I don’t know when I’ll be able to start. The hard part is now that I’m not longer in pain (but I still have symptoms), and I feel like running, I still can’t. I must WAIT. ugh.
You may be able to imagine just what this has done to/in/for me and I’m still dealing with it. No great wisdom or insight or lessons to share with you – at least not yet – only the mundane struggle of my mortality and not being able to do whatever I want to do! I guess I can say that I’m learning more about who I really am, but there is much more to it than that. If I ever get around to writing the book, I’m sure I’ll have something to share with you by then.
In the meantime, I sought solace from other ultrarunners who have been injured lately. Ellie Greenwood discusses her injury and being “outta control”, a sentiment with which I identify, and she wrote a post about pool running that just about sums it up for me. This video about Anna Frost, her healing and comeback is beautiful and inspiring. I like the part where she says she is also discovering herself – her real self.
I still have to wait. And wait. And get back into the pool day after day…
On the upside, Relentless is going very well and I’ve been very busy! If you have been following (and I sincerely hope that you are, as that is where the action has been) that blog and Facebook page you’ll already know that. I suppose that is another excuse for not posting here more – it is difficult to maintain two blogs and several Facebook pages without some help on that!
Books of 2013 Just because I’ve not been running as much, doesn’t necessarily mean I have more time to read, write, or other stuff. Even so, I’ve managed to eek out a few books this year – this is pretty much all I’ve read this year, so I try to make it quality.
Novel – The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. This is the only novel I read this year, and I didn’t even “read” it – I listened to the audio CD whilst driving around during my Stateside trip.
Non-fiction – The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan and Addiction and Grace by Gerald May. Both are transformative.
Biography – Amazing Grace (William Wilberforce) by Eric Metaxas
Poetry – although not a specific book, I spent a lot of time with Gerard Manley Hopkins this year.
I’m currently in the middle of Centering Prayer by Cynthia Bourgeault and the book gets better the further I delve into it so I can give a not-too-premature recommendation for it.
Let me leave you with this quotation I recently saw on a friend’s wall. I have no idea to whom to give credit, but it is brilliant, and something to ponder well after Christmas has past.
If as Herod we fill our lives with things and again with things.
If we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action when will we have time to make the long slow journey across the desert as did the Magi?
Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary?
For each one of us there is a desert to travel, a star to discover, and a being within ourselves to bring to life.